How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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