you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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