He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
don't judge my taste in strippers
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
