That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
