I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
