I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
