Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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