i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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