What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
