i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
