When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
