Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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