Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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