Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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