I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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