can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
