i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
