He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
