I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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