True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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