You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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