I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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