I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
