remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
