True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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