When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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