do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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