oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my vag is so smooth its legendary
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
