well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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