Screwed.edu
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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