the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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