So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
