It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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