why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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