nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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