Define "chronic" masturbator.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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