I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
