I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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