somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
