side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
