There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
