I just saw a hot homeless man
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
