She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
