Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
