I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
