i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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