I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
