Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
