I just saw a hot homeless man
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
