In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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