She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
