he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
